I didn't want this life. Correction. I don't want this life. To say "didn't" is to imply that I have since changed my mind. I haven't. But to dig my heals in and refuse to move forward in spite of the circumstances is unproductive and exhausting. Does it take more energy to kick and scream,... Continue Reading →
I feel lost. Hmm....That's not right. Isolated, maybe? No. That's not it either. I feel like I don't fit in. Not in a middle-schooler desperate to wear the right clothes and say the right things to be one of the popular kids kind of way. It's not that type of fitting in. It's ...out of place.... Continue Reading →
I took it all for granted, charging through my days, shuttling my children to soccer practices and dance classes. I pushed myself, somehow feeling like I had to do everything. I had to fit it all in. By 8:00 on weekday mornings, I was teaching high school students, scrambling to get in every mandated objective, grade every... Continue Reading →
“Wh-what are you doing with all….” Her eyes are wide with confusion and awe. As soon as the words escape, I see her regret. She doesn’t even finish the question, but her reproof is out, suspended between us. My shopping cart overflows with an item most people purchase in singles, and I am buying in... Continue Reading →
It must be scary for them to see their previously solid, predictable, rock-of-a-mom suddenly appearing old with an IV port in her arm, purple bags under her eyes, and barely able to climb the stairs. But they hold my hand and love me anyway. Children are pretty amazing that way. They’ll tell you exactly what they’re thinking (as in…boy, Mommy, your belly is getting big), but they always, always adore you.